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- Basilio Lukanga
- BBC News, Nairobi
If you’re a man on Kenyan social media this Valentine’s Day, you might be invited to an all-male meeting where women are banned.
The event will be seen as a way to have fun with other men and get rid of the pressure of expressing love for your female partner.
There might even be alcohol or barbecue available.
Until recently, the meeting never materialized—it was just an elaborate social media meme.
But considering the posters plastered all over social media leading up to and on Valentine’s Day, it’s easy for outsiders to believe it’s true.
Typically, they will indicate where the meeting will be held and include photos showing preparations in progress and other photos designed to showcase the event.
One of the widely shared videos depicts a group of men on a plane, with a voiceover saying they were going to a men’s meeting.
“We’re coming back on February 15th, which is the earliest flight we can get,” the man said, making it clear they weren’t going to buy roses and spend time with their partner on Valentine’s Day.
It is defined as an activity that teaches people to be free and independent in everything they do – but mostly in their relationships.
It was praised by some, but others viewed the entire conversation as sinister, saying it fostered misogyny in what is already a very patriarchal society.
Businessman Charles Kinyua told the BBC the men’s conference concept was popular.
He said this was a relief for men because “in days like today, the expectations men have on their partners” are “unrealistic”.
Men are always under pressure to give women gifts on Valentine’s Day, he said, and expectations are so high that in many cases “nothing you do will be satisfactory.”
He called it the “myth” of men’s conferences, which gave men relief by “promoting boys’ freedom and courage and reducing oppression.”
It’s just that this might be more of a comedic relief.
The leaders of so-called men’s conferences are polygamists – in some people’s eyes, they are going against social rules and social pressure to do what they want.
Just before Valentine’s Day, self-described men’s conference chair Stephen Letoo, a reporter for local Citizen TV, shared a piece of advice instructing “all women to pack their husbands’ bags at the conference” and expect them to be there as early as Sunday go home.
Over the past two years, the capital, Nairobi, has hosted some actual events for men to share advice with each other, but they have been small and barely noticed.
But it’s often hard to tell what’s real and what’s fake because some speakers are fictional — especially those shared on social media.
Feminist activist Edita Achieng believes men should have space to share advice.
She said they allow men to be “vulnerable” and mentor boys, especially since “boys don’t grow up with good role models”. But she said such meetings shouldn’t just happen on Valentine’s Day.
She told the BBC that in a patriarchal society, she said the conference could be “a way of changing the narrative, raising a man who is fit for society and erasing issues like gender roles”.
But another feminist activist, Achieng Ayot, disagrees.
The idea of the conference, she said, was to give men “the tools to not let themselves be controlled and a way to promote a man’s world,” which relates to “misogyny when women don’t agree to abide by social institutions.” “.
The conference, she said, stemmed from “the concept that women are consumers of Valentine’s Day, that they are loved and gifted.”
“Why take one of the couples to the event? [and]…the other person is not allowed to attend, but the day is about love? ” she asked.
It’s a question that might be worth pondering, but one that organizers and participants of men’s conferences, whether true or not, might not be too keen on considering.
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